577: Action
If you really want something, act on it.
Don’t hesitate, just be brave and do something.
It may take all the courage in the world that you need to summon.
And you might be faced with rejections and whats-not.
But time waits for no one.
Because you never know, that you may have unexpected answers!
And at the end of the day, you will be glad to know that you have tried, whatever the outcome may be.
576: More ♥!
I’m trying to be a pescetarian, for a while.
Haha that was a very random thought.
Considering that I’ve been living by alfalfa sprouts all week long.
Sandwiches/Wraps with alfalfa sprouts, a warm melted cheese slice and soggy cucumbers are absolute ♥s!
Sigh so many things I want to say
But I am unable to.
And it feels terrible.
What is wrong with me sometimes?
Okay, it should be, WHAT is wrong with me SERIOUSLY?
What is wrong with me?
575: ♥!
The sun, the moon, the stars
The beating of two hearts
How I love the simple things
The simple things just are
♥
♥
574: Linkin Park
In the mood for some emo/angsty Linkin Park today. Songs that tide me through the cold dark days of JC. (:
573: Mad World
All around are me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very very,
Mad world, Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
May they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very very
Mad world, Mad world
Mad world, Mad world
572: Pathetic
I am oh-so-terribly pathetic.
Saltwater wells
When that I was and a little tiny boy,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
A foolish thing was but a toy,
For the rain it raineth every day.
571: Favourite Quote!
And so I’ve made up my mind. I’m slowly picking myself up and learning to walk on strong all by myself.
I’ve got to share my favourite quote as of now:
Living well is the BEST REVENGE!
570: 참 많이 아파…
I’ve made up my mind. This whole thing is making me all weak and needy and moody. I refuse to think that way. I’m a strong girl! Although I honestly don’t know how long I’ll remain this way until I relapse again but think nought, I’ve made up my mind. Perhaps, all I got to do is to be brave and take the first step forth and do something to show how resolute I am. I’ve made up my mind. Watch me (:
569: May Angels Lead You In
Goodnight world.
For real.
568: I still feel all alone
Goodnight world.
Rina’s really tired.
So many things have happened all this while.
Just today, got the news that the parents brought Ah Ma to NUH A&E because of her blood pressure. She’s now under observation in NUH. I pray and hope it’s nothing major and she’ll be alright. And just days ago, we had our first ever pretty big dispute within my group of close friends. It’s so ridiculous and trivial, the immature ways of a friend’s bf made a few of us mad. I mean, after all, the four of us have known each other for at least 9 years. This can’t exactly break us down. It just made me realise how fragile human relationships are.
Nothing seems right in place at this point of time. So many indefinites, so many uncertainties. Nothing seems to be going right at this moment in time. I’m ‘smiling’ through life, a plastered smile to reassure others that I’m fine, concealing what’s within with a strong front. It really gets very tiring having to put on this tough front everyday. I’ve been the listening ear for many over the many many years. But now, there’s nobody close whom I can truly talk to.
Even in a group of close friends, there may be one whom you are definitely closer to. My one such lovely friend dropped in for the Chinese New Year break but she’s on the plane back to Beijing now. Having her around the past weeks (and trying to really meet up although everyone’s so busy) made me realise how much I’ve missed having her around. She’s the one I’m closest to in the group, the one I shared my room with during our travels, the one I feel most comfortable sharing all my secrets with, the one I can totally be at ease with, knowing that she wouldn’t judge me for who I am. I am already missing you, my lovely friend.
It’s tiring. I’m already feeling very very tired. Numbing myself with work and studying for the upcoming vivas and board exam will at least prevent me from thinking too much and worrying about the unnecessary. Maybe just a tiny bit.
I’m reminded of my favourite Michael Buble song “Home” once again. This particular part of the song has struck a chord with me.
May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Many have said that I’m blessed with family and good friends. But funnily, I know that I may be surrounded by many people (people whom I know will definitely show some concern if I reach out to them), but I still feel all alone.
567: Breathe In Breathe Out
Breathe in, breathe out
Tell me all of your doubt
Everybody bleeds this way
Just the same
Breathe in, breathe out
Move on and break down
If everyone goes away
I will stay
We push and pull
And I fall down sometimes
But I’m not letting go
You hold the other line
‘Cause there is a light
In your eyes, in your eyes
Hold on and hold tight
From out of your sight
And everything keeps movin’ on, movin’ on
Hold on, hold tight
Make it through another night
And everyday, there comes a song with the dawn
We push and pull
And I fall down sometimes
I’m not letting go
You hold the other line
‘Cause there is a light
In your eyes, in your eyes
There is a light
In your eyes, in your eyes
Breathe in and breathe out [4x]
Look left, look right
To the moon in the night
And everything under the stars
Is in your arms
‘Cause there is a light
In your eyes, in your eyes
And there is a lie
In your eyes, in your eyes
There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes [2x]
566: Strawberry Crumble Bars
Because I was feeling so empty and helpless and down inside on a Saturday after a day of lectures, I headed home with a cup of pearl-less, 10% sugar gongcha milk green tea and strawberries to bake some strawberry crumble.
I feel strange inside me, I feel sadly empty and restless. I should be glad. I’m long done with my project report and slides after many sleepless nights and thoughts-filled days. And I managed to turn my deemed “clinically-insignificant” project around into something miraculously significant! There is much hope in this world afterall. 
Learning log is almost done, short of the case reviews I have yet to do because I’m only starting my new rotation to a new section tomorrow. The only thing bugging me now is my case presentation for oncology which I have to do soon soon! But Rina can do it so no worries about it!
Made strawberry crumble just last evening! They turned out pretty and surprise surprise! The parents (even Daddy) and sis ate them for breakfast today! I used the recipe I wrote about in my previous entry!
I am so emo now. 内心的无奈无语言说！I have work later and I end at an unearthly time of 930pm. My Sunday’s gone gone gone. And then, it’s back to work on Monday morning at 9am again. SIGH emo emo emo!
565: Crumble!
I want to make strawberry crumble bars!
They look so cute.
564: 用心聆听
用心聆听
我听到了
563: 天
Things that made (and will make) my Sunday:
1) Baked a successful chocolate banana cake in the morning
2) Found new songs (not exactly new, they’re pretty old but haven’t listened to them for ages) to listen to and one that I can really relate to right now.
3) Ran 4km around the district and then did 20 minutes of vigorous stationary cycling in the gym
4) Very motivated and on my way to completing the work I’ve set out to do for the day
5) Work on Monday only starts at 9pm!
6) Monday daytime all to myself! I’m contemplating if I should go to the nearby cinema to catch “The Descendants” in the morning! Imagine having the entire theatre to myself because it’s weekday (;
7) Going to be done with work and I want to go down to the poolside at night to chill out alone in the silence of the night with just me and my music (my current earworm)!
562: Chocolate Banana Cake
Reviving the old me, one step at a time! First up, it’s been a while since I’ve baked anything. It’s been a long while. Anhedonia, one of the signs of depression. Oh, touchwood. I have in recent weeks to months, lost the interest to do some pleasure baking. I have the ingredients all ready in the kitchen but many times, I would give up deciding to bake, after preparing all the baking utensils. Only to put them back in place after deciding against baking! If that’s not anhedonia, I don’t know what is?
Picking up the pieces one by one, slowly. First step is to start baking.
I’ve been having my favourite Carman’s Dark Chocolate Cranberry and Almond muesli bar and a banana for lunch daily lately. At the end of the week, I’ve some over-riped bananas. So what to do with over-riped bananas? Bake an old-fashioned chocolate banana cake!
This was a no-mixer, all-in-a-bowl easy recipe from joyofbaking.com. The cake was unbelievably soft and moist. Oh gosh, awesome texture. The batter was awfully thin, amounting to such a awesome moist texture! And it’s healthy too because there is no butter! I used the healthy canola oil instead! And also, the usual high calcium reduced fat fresh milk!
I’m hoping this small step I make to revive the old me will make a huge difference. Rina has to be happy.
I want to catch the film “The Descendants” by George Clooney! I’ve lost touch with movies and films recently but I’ve heard about this from my friends and the reviews look awesome. Shall mark down in the calendar to remember to catch it before the film ends its run in the theatres (:
561: 林峯
These are three of my favourite 林峯 songs! I used to love Raymond Lam and I like his voice. Love the song 愛在記憶中找你!
愛在記憶中找你
我對你 這一生 哪個可比
我與你 差一些 永遠一起
邂逅時間場地 似連場好戲
要 自何頁說起
愛太重 深呼吸 欠缺空氣
愛太美 輕輕的 卻載不起
愛情來到時候 似明媚天氣
她走了 突然驟變雪落雨飛
＊如果可以恨你 全力痛恨你
連遇上亦要躲避
無非想放下你 還是掛念你
誰又會及我傷悲
前事最怕有人提起
就算怎麼伸盡手臂
我們亦有一些距離
REPEAT＊
你太遠 該怎麼 說對不起
你太近 一轉身 卻已高飛
快樂也許太短 似場流星雨
一眨眼 就如幻覺怕又記起
我情願我恨心憎你 我還在記憶中找你
560: I feel stupid
Unsure, afraid to make the move
I feel stupid
The hope inside me is slowly dying.
Is it too much to hope for?
559: My week in retrospect
No matter how bleak and hopeless life or the future may seem at this point in time, we live for the present. I don’t want to go and think about all the depressing stuff right now. I want to be happy! I’ve walked this Earth long enough to know that this isn’t how my life should be and is planned out for me.
I want to be happy! And I’m going to be happy! There’s more to life than this. Not going to sit there and wallow in self-pity anymore! I miss being my old happy carefree self. Plus, There are so many thing I miss. There are so many things I’ve wished I said. There are so many things I’ve wished I had done.
I love the simple things in life. Early mornings when the neighbourhood is barely awake. Weekend jogs with just me and my music blasting in my ears (I suspect I may suffer from hearing loss next time!). Night strolls along the quiet streets with the dim streetlights and the cool night breeze. The beach and the cool sea breeze, hearing and seeing the waves lap gently against the shore. Seeing the clouds move across the clear sky. Getting caught in the rain and feeling the rain against my skin.
I’m turning old soon and the figure scares me! And that fateful day actually falls on the exact same day, when it marks the end of 40 weeks of training. It’s going to be a happy day for us all and truly a day to celebrate! Haha and definitely a day for me to remember for life (:
Oh wells, it’s going to be a good week ahead. I’m pretty excited! I’m finally working the night shift next week (: I know I definitely need caffeine to sustain me through the night but I think the hospital at night is going to be a very surreal (and spooky?) experience!
