553: You are my world
Essentially at the end of the day, when you’re feeling so helpless and down and you find that there’s no one to be there to listen to you cry and whine, you’re just glad that you’ve got family to be there for you. The people around me who can perhaps understand me a bit better, are probably just so equally busy with their lives as well. I find it so apologetic to bother them with my problems as well, they might find me a nuisance. But I really miss having some of them around, I miss their presence ):
I know that essentially at the end of the day, I have only myself to count on to find my own way. I may be losing myself, losing my purpose in my life right at this point of time. I probably need to find a new perspective. I need to see things in another light so that I wouldn’t feel so jaded and down.
Talking about family, I’m thankful for their presence. I don’t speak of my problems with them, because I don’t wish to worry them with my problems. So most of the time, I’ll have a smile plastered across my face to let them know that I’m doing okay. As for whether I’m actually okay, god knows. The skies are kind of gloomy and overcast over here in recent weeks (and months) and nothing that I do seems to inject into me a permanent state of happiness.
Just today, doing things with the family, just putting aside everything, not thinking about life, about work, can be really therapeutic. It may appear as a form of escapism. But I’m just thankful for their presence although I know that they wouldn’t be able to help me much. I know that they love me a lot and their way of expressing their love for me transcends all forms (words and all). I love my Daddy, my Mummy and my (always-will-be-little) sister. I understand that the sister is growing up, she needs her space and I know that there are major changes in her life right now which I wouldn’t want to question her about. I know Daddy was under a lot of stress in his previous job so I’m really glad that he’s moving on to greener pastures. His new job sounds pretty cool cause’ his job title sounds pretty fantastic and he has so many engineers under him. My Daddy is pro (: I hope he’ll be doing better at his new job. And he can retire soon in years to come when the sister graduates too! I love my family. Although I don’t show it outright (I never do), but if someone dares to bully any one of them, they’ll have to get through me first.
I love my family. We just spent close to two hours in the night singing random karaoke songs at home. And we had to stop by 11pm for fear of complaints from the neighbours. The parents recently bought a karaoke set and it’s pretty cool. I never expected my parents to be so cool to buy a karaoke set of all things! Haha so happy, they were singing their hokkien and old chinese and english songs while Sis and I were singing our random chinese songs (the likes of 周杰伦，刘若英， 林俊杰，五月天。。。）and random english songs (the likes of Lenka, Snow Patrol, Celine Dion, Adele, Taylor Swift, Evanescence…). It was such great fun, laughing at Mummy’s off pitches and Daddy’s over-dramatic singing. Oh gosh, it’s been a while (seriously a long long while） since we had so much fun together as a family.
We’ve all grown up and so busy with our studies and work that I find that the time we spend with one another is becoming much lesser. Even on a weekday, we seldom speak. I leave the house really early in the morning only to reach home for dinner late (by the time, all of them would have eaten). By then, after bath and all, I would be locked up in my room doing my work and it’s been a while since we had any heart-to-heart talks. Still, I want to say that I love my family a lot a lot.
Whatever that may come, rock my world or capsize my life, come bring it on. I may appear weak and down and depressed but you don’t know the real me. I’m a strong girl. I may falter but I’ll stand up strong again. Go Rina Go!（：