650: Trust

So they say, “Trust is a decision. Trust is the waking, conscious choice to invest in another human being because you know that even if they betray you, you’ll be okay.”

We are an extremely infidelious nation.

We work hard to build up lives that we’re proud of: jobs we’re happy with, homes we cherish, friends and families who surround us with love. The possibility of inviting another person in to share in all of that, without the guarantee that it’s going to work out, can be paralyzing. How do we know they won’t turn on us? How do we know it’ll work out?

And the truth is, we don’t. Whether or not we can trust someone will always be a tough bet to wager. But it’s also a futile guessing game. And it’s one that can destroy your entire relationship before it even begins.

Just two days back, I felt like such a big fool, it’s the point when you realized that your entire life has been a huge mistake from the start, when you’ve misplaced your trust in someone you trust so much.

And you start doubting anyone and EVERYYONE, you start thinking if it’s because you suck at judging someone, to allow someone that close to you, to end up hurting your heart.

Just like I asked “Can I trust you?” anymore…

I have so many burning questions, so many wandering thoughts. All the talk and promises, are they for real? If they were, why do I feel like I do not know you at all? Why do I find that there’s so many sides of you I wished I had knew earlier before I made the decisions I had to in life. I had to run away, to walk away from everything because I don’t think my heart deserves to be broken like that.

So many burning questions, like why you do the things you do (and if I really wish to know what exactly they are), why do people lie (and how I’ve been treated like a stupid fool all along), why do you make me feel as if you’re such a stranger (and I barely know you now)… Perhaps everything has lost its novelty with time, perhaps you want excitement, perhaps I’m not doing well enough…?

I may not be perfect (who is?), but were all the dreams we’ve painted all lies from the past? Were all the words you’ve said all just words (and lies)?

So many questions I’ve been dying to ask…

But because I care too much just to walk away, I wanted to know the reasons why you’re doing so. That this was probably a mistake you made in your course of life and that you were willing to change, and that if you cared, you wouldn’t want to break my heart again. Because I care too much, I believe in the innate goodness of human relationships, I am willing to give people chances to change, only if they are truly sincere and genuine to.

If I gave you one, will you?

And if you were in my shoes, what will you do?